Besides being a domestic relations mediator, I also am a court appointed "Advisory Consultant" for the Thirteenth Judicial District in New Mexico. In this capacity I meet with parents, meet the children, view their interactions, and make a written recommendation to the Court concerning custody matters. This is potentially a stressful event to the
parents--going through divorce, their lives and even their homes may be in a bit of disarray. The Summer issue of the ABA's Family Advocate, Donald G. Tye and Patricia A. O'Connell offer some helpful advice to the agitated parent, to prepare.
parents--going through divorce, their lives and even their homes may be in a bit of disarray. The Summer issue of the ABA's Family Advocate, Donald G. Tye and Patricia A. O'Connell offer some helpful advice to the agitated parent, to prepare.
First, they give some general "orienting" advise. They note that a parent needs to focus on him or herself, not the supposed shortcomings of the other parent. To do otherwise, simple creates the impression of a "least distressing alternative," rather than demonstrating "a parent who consistently has his or her children's best interests at heart." The also emphasize that the evaluator "is unaligned with either parent," and the "court will typically grant great deference to his or her impressions and recommendations." Accordingly, you need to "put your best foot forward.
Second, they make a number of specific recommendations to parents to think about in preparation:
- dont interfere with or undermine the other parent's relationship with the children
- anticipate and try to correct the grounds for criticism by the other parent
- mind your and the kids' behavior
- don't leave a trail of ugly face book postings, text messages, etc., as they are increasingly admitted as evidence in custody matters
- if it your parenting time, be a parent, dont palm the kids off on the babysitter, grandma, etc.
- "don't make a bad situation worse, ... b[]e the bigger person and act civilly and respectfully toward the other parent," and "[d]ont' provide him or her with the 'gift'" of bad behavior, especially if documented!
- don't, under any circumstances, discuss the litigation with the children
- be aware of the negative impact of a new girl friend or boy friend on cooperative co-parenting
Finally, at the evaluation itself:
- be honest
- answer the questions directly but thoughtfully
- "show the evaluator that you know your child"
- express "your concerns about the other party's parenting as objectively as possible"
- show that your are capable of co-parenting in a healthy way
If you are
interested in child-related mediation, advisory consultation, or GAL (guardian ad litem) services,
please contact Pilar Vaile, P.C. at
(505) 247-0802, or info@pilarvailepc.com.
